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Irresponsible in the Rijksmuseum

November 9, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

One of the things I love about blogging DIY DnD is it gives me an excuse to be completely irresponsible in museums. I spent years as an art student and middle class British lad with educated pretensions stalking earnestly around museums and galleries trying to understand why Jasper Johns was more famous than Eric Ravilious or why Dutch painting should be interesting in the 17th century but not in the 18th or early 19th. Now, letting my DM flag fly, I can tell you that it’s a lot more fun wandering around the Rijksmuseum  just looking at the things I like looking at and sniggering roll for initiative when I see some gold lion eating a man holding up a candlestick.

So for instance I can enjoy this intaglio print of a witch riding a demon carcass around without caring much who it’s by (yeah, right. It’s Agostino Veneziano):

IMG_4383 IMG_4384

IMG_4388 IMG_4391

and mutter “pendulous dugs” and “fish slapping dance” to myself as I ogle this Mantegna.

So these, apparently, are mourners on (or rather off) some saint’s tomb. But now they’re a bunch of NPCs for your Alice game:

alice-figs1 alice-figs2

boartopus antler_witch

Boartopus ravishing harpy, flying antler witch,

carcosa-painting

Carcosa.

And predictably there’s treasure. Note to self: add more mysterious gold lions to dungeon:

lion2 sneezing-lionlion1

especially sneezing lions that dispense potions. Also stuff you pick up should tell you about upcoming hazards. Like this medieval mi-go victim:

migo-victim

speaking of which: who says brain-cases have to be so damn functional-looking?

st-thekla-1 st-thekla-2

(reliquary for St Thekla, allegedly). Reliquaries are some weird-ass treasure too. Some are like tiny wee treasure chests that anyone who’s gamed with Scrap Princess should be too wary to touch:

reliquary-chestbone-ossuary

and look what they contain! A nice surprise. At least this bone ossuary is kinda doing the medium is the message thing.

Magic shield? I bet you’re picturing something metal. Not, for instance, a chunk of elk headgear:

antler-shield

and speaking of headgear…

helmet

Even Throne of Blood didn’t prepare me for this bunny/propellor. Quietly scribbling notes about what world you’d need to make those Playboy extensions at all sensible.

locks lock-open

…ever wondered how a medieval lock works?

OK, time for the big guns: Wampus/Tartary artillery for discerning murderhobos

guns1 pistols musketoongrape-shot

navy-shell shrapnel

Early 19th century shells. And a shrapnel shell cut in half. Note wooden cone-tip and big ball-bearings just sitting in a dynamite goop.

muskets

…and one for Jeremy Duncan.

kris2kris3de-ruyters-rapier

and three for Paolo Greco. The last of which is the red coral hilt of a rapier given to legendary Dutch murderhobo Michiel de Ruyter.

magic-lantern1magic-lantern-2

Magic lantern slides were the 18th century’s Roll For Initiative gifs.

giant-armour-figurehead

Mecha golem disguised as a figurehead.

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