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Epic inconveniences

February 14, 2023 Leave a comment Go to comments

So you’ve escaped from the Underworld, come back from the dead, or otherwise broken the cosmic order, and now you’re back in the game. Roll 1d8

  1. You’re in a Faustian pact, but you’re the devil. Your handler can place geases on you, but you get to interpret them by the letter rather than the spirit.
  2. You have a True Name so you can be summoned, maybe by lots of people. How can you destroy all records of your name, or change it to something super-secret?
  3. You’re on the run – from loan sharks, the Law, or abandoned spouses. If you can run interdimensionally, so can they.
  4. You require frequent feeding with something exotic or inconvenient – blood’s the obvious one here, but don’t ignore the possibilities of vril, gold, or gunpowder.
  5. You’re eternally tracking your kidnapped sister: you can get diverted to anywhere the DM says you might’ve seen a clue about her, dropping whatever you’re doing.
  6. You’re constantly growing. You must get refitted frequently for armor etc as gigantism takes hold. This is good for your STR but bad for CON – find a cure or eventually your heart will give out.
  7. Your neck is super stretchy, like Jake from Adventure Time – it’s flexible and muscular like a snake. You don’t know how far it will stretch, but it’s at least several hundred feet, at a foot a second. You don’t have to worry about what this does to your breathing or blood supply, but your neural signals are still limited to about 60mph or 100’/second, so if someone pokes your body with a sword you won’t know about it for a while. Oh right and your neck stretches spontaneously while you’re asleep.
  8. You are now a potted plant. You require sunlight and regular watering. You can also control your former body as if you still inhabited it (and maybe other beings’ bodies too, you haven’t tried) but only as long as that body carries you around. You have no obvious means of communicating except with a body that is carrying you.
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